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Friday, March 30, 2012

A few drink ramble....

Figured I would write something while it is 3:08 in the morning on a Thursday evening/ Friday morning.  i went out to an open mic night and ended up everywhere else.
No real point to writing this. I have no photo or imagery to entertain, and in fact when the idea of writing this, 3 sentences ago I thought something would come to me.
Sadly it did not.
So here goes something off the top of my head musically related.
I'm to be recording the next CD at Phase One in Toronto. It won't be a full album but an EP only because money will be an issue as well this is a major studio so time is limited  because they have many people to record.
I have thought a few times and still think, "Am I ready for a place like this? Shouldn't I be in a smaller place recording my little songs?"
and so I am throwing the idea of recording this EP in this big ol' studio that records the likes of Snoop Dogg, Bono, The Trews and other such beings.
Make the album and then record some tracks locally solely for online distribution.
Fo r some reason I want to be rid of all the songs I've written.(well not ridof them) I want them recorded and available so I can move past them.
So I can move on to the 100% new material. I have a lot of riffs and lyrics set aside that I have not had the time to deal with. Some of them I am really excited about and think will help make songs better than what I have written already but sadly they are on back burner status.
Well that was more than I thought I would write.
I'm going to see If I can find a few pics to brighten this up with...
Here's me in a Pizza eating competition against Kobayashi (hot dog eating champ). he ate a whole pizza for every slice I had. I ate 11 slices. He had  11 pizza's. That is retarded.

Sexapalooza allowing me to be in a cut out with my head in a croch.

THERE YOU GO. Sorry Cap lock was on. 
Slep time now
-Neil
www.eyeswide.ca




Saturday, March 24, 2012

It was good to see you again New York

Is this not the creepiest interpretation of Red Riding Hood you've ever seen?
I had to read this on my last day teaching before I headed off to New York with Brittney Fulton.
I'm sure the children had nightmares.

I also confiscated this note.
I laughed at the kid after I read it (then I thought, forever alone)

New York It is my favourite large city. I've been to Toronto, Sydney, Lima, London, and Vancouver and so far New York is the best. The people, the food, the character of the different areas. It's just an amazing city.
Also in the 3 times I've been there this is the 1st time I saw a rat.
And the first time I peed in a commercial doorway downtown.
It was an emergency. I felt the need to leave a dollar in the door handle for my troubles, but not enough to actually leave one.

This was Brittney's first tour and first time to New York.
Brit's first show outside Canada

It's a difficult area to play. Lots of bars have show cases with 4-7 acts and you get paid if enough people come out to see you. Not easy for touring acts with little to no following.
I always treat it as a musical vacation. Bring a few hundred dollars and expect it to be gone by the end of the tour.
The tour was 5 shows Rochester, Jersey City, Manhattan, and 2 in Brooklyn.
I've never had a problem but I've always been squirrely going over the border.
I think they are going to catch me coming over without a work Visa and throw me in the clink. (I've never used that expression before) .
I mailed down our CD's and shirts to Kelsey Warren from the band pILLOW tHEORY (if you've been following me you will remember that Kelsey came up to Canada for his first north of the border shows late last year) He always has covers that come way out of left field. If you get a chance to see his solo show, please do your self a favour and do so.
This picture is an optical illusion. 
Turns out I've got a tiny shrunken Beetlejuice head while, 
while Brittney has got a giant bobble head mellon. 
I think I'm standing 6 feet in front of her to make our heads appear the same size.


So we hit Rochester for our first gig with no merch aside from one CD and 2 t-shirts I smuggled over. (i'm a smuggler, add that to my resume)
It was a Monday night so I wasn't expecting anything too amazing, but together we made, wait for it.... $5 in tips.
Oh ya.
I did manage to sell my one CD, during Brittney's set.
A fellow walks up while she's singing.
"Can I buy that CD?"
"Sure, but it's not hers."
Gives me an odd look "What do you mean it's not hers?"
"It's mine."
"Who are you?"
"I sang a set before she got on."
"Oh, well I'll go see if my wife still wants it."
I expected him not to return, but he came back with the wife and bought the CD.

We drove out of town and stayed in a motel. We never figured out what town it was. We were probably in limbo.
This is limbo.



On our way down to Jersey we got stuck in a traffic jam outside of Binghampton around 2:00pm
With a quick google search we found that someone had cut off a tractor, flipped the car and died at 11am we were stuck there until about 3:30 then started to slowly move. the accident didn't even happen in our side of the divided highway. Crazy how you know everything with the iphone.

We stopped in a a town that had the word "New" in it's name.
It was not a new town.
We found a bar that we weren't sure was a bar at first. They sold pints for $1.75 gave us a free round and a slice of pizza. Best $3.50 I ever spent.
Pennsylvania does not have a ban on smoking in it's bars.
Brittney was quite pleased.
Me, not so much.

We rolled into Jersey met up with Kelsey at Lucky 7, our venue for the night.
Kelsey did not bring the merch.

There was one fella who was taking pictures and videos of us while we played, and later told Brittney that he was going to come to the Brooklyn shows and bring 10 or 1000 people.
Wow, well I'm sure the places we are playing at have capacity's of 200.
So 800 of your friends may have to stay outside.
Sadly we bever saw Mr. 10 or 1000 again.

Kelsey has said that he is notorious for getting drunk with little or no money.
We got to see that 2 of the 3 times we hung out this trip.
He ends up with drink after drink after drink.
After the show we were trying to get to Brooklyn and since Kelsey knows the area I ignored Brittney and Google maps. I decided to listen to his way word directions.
Big mistake.
He couldn't navigate his way down a straight road.
Brit took over. Got us there in no time.

We stayed in a storage unit/studio space owned by Alex Kelly (also came on the road on the Canadian highways last year) We didn't really get any time to hang because she had to head up to Buffalo for a few weeks.
It was great because we got to stay downtown Brooklyn from Tuesday to Sunday FREE aside from parking, and somehow parking only cost us $48 dollars as well!
The box was windowless, so we never knew what time it was or what the weather was like.
But really that didn't matter because we had the all knowing iPhone.
Weather is no mystery to us!
In the room there was one futon and the floor. I took the futon.

Some would say "Horrible Neil, why would you make Brittney sleep on the floor?"
To that I would say this
"Have you ever sleep on a futon?"

Here's the history of the Futon.
Someone in the Jenga factory accidentally made oversized blocks and threw them haphazardly under a sheet. Then someone sneezed and it sounded like Futon, the guy said that's a good name and sat on the block sheet pile as he sat down the blocks shifted and flattened out a bit. Futon created.
Pretty sure that's the way it happened.

We explored Brooklyn on Wednesday. Heading to The Brooklyn Bridge, The Fulton Mall, Prospect Park, and walking way too long to find a pub. Only to find their pints were $7. (What happened to $1.75?) And it was a den of Hipsters.
Here is the Summer hipster in Brooklyn.
Thick wooly touque perched on the top of the head, big burly unkept lumberjack beard, colourful tight t- shirt ( that isn't tight because the hipster is too skinny) skin tight denim shorts rolled up (perhaps girls' shorts), thick black (probably prescription-less) glasses, and brand new Puma shoes.
They're wondrous creatures.

4 to 5 hours of walking around in the city under the hot sun garnered Brittney a new red undershirt.
She was sunburned.
Her chest was a bright angry red and her neck was her regular pale self.
also only half her face was red.
While drinking that evening Brit was complaining about her half faced tan.
"I can fix that for you." I told her.
"You can?"
I stared at her, wondering if I was going to go through with my joke.
Deciding yes, I slapped the pale side of her face.
"Ow, that hurt!"
"That's how you get it to match."

We played The Delancey that night. It was not a good show. The 4th act was cancelled and they started the night off with a 3 piece followed by 2 solo acts. A few people came out for the 1st act, Rebecca Pearl, and then they all moved to the back of the bar with the musicians and talked through all of Brittney's set not clapping once, then everyone left during my soundcheck song. So I played to 4 people.
This made Kelsey very angry. He is a believer in musicians supporting other musicians.
Needless to say the merch was not needed today.
We travelled around a bit ended up at an open mic and Kelsey kept shouting for pizza.
He had the drunk hunger.

The next day was Adventures on Manhattan. Another day of walking and eating.
We had 2 lunches Taza de Oro, a Puertorican  restaurant and then John's a pizza joint. I've been craving both of these since we got in the city. Britt didn't like the black beans, so I ate hers.
Then she was too full and could only eat 1 and a half slices of John's.
I ate the rest.
I also had a giant cookie in between.
We checked out some sites walked around Times square.
I hugged a smurf, told a black person that I don't like black people, and took pictures in front of American flags.
Standard New York afternoon.
(I'm hoping that someone reads that and thinks Sounds about right)
Let me explain. Walking down the strip there are rap artists selling their CD, not selling but giving it to you and then following you and asking for a donation. They usually start off by asking you questions.
This one started off Do you like music? then followed with Do you like black people?
I said yes to the first, no to the latter. We laughed and he asked to shake my hand.
This was 5 Mics! (Yes THE 5Mics!) He tried to get a donation but we gave him a CD in trade. I don't think that's what he wanted. We later heard that he has beaten people up that don't donate.
We listened to the album on the way home. it had tracks such as Licky Licky, in which 5Mics informs us on how he pleases the womenfolk.
Every track had Gun shots, that air horn sound, Vincent Price laughing and a Jay Z sample where he says, Let me introduce you to the mu'fuckin' greatest.
I doubt it will make it in to my everyday song rotation.

5Mics also renamed Brittney.
Feel free to call her Sassy B.

On Friday we headed up TO Williamsburg. Holy Jews! We walked into a neighbourhood that was all Othodox Jews. Everyone had the hats the curls the long black coats and all the women were dark haired  with full length dark dresses.
6 foot tall blonde Brittney with her mascot sized head stuck out like a sore thumb.
At least I had a beard.
Just west of this area we found another fantastic pizza place called San Marco's. Pizza by the slice and free wine. They had think Brooklyn/Italian accents.
It was hard to understand Joe Pesci.
I'm pretty sure that's who served us.
She finished her first glass and he asked if she wanted more.
As she was thinking if she did or not, he pours her another one and said "If you're hesitating you want more."
I can't remember if it came before or after San Marco, but I finally tried a White Castle Burger.
Here are the results.
Sassy B and F. Wood
We played Hank's Saloon that night a good crowd out, but the best was meeting Frank Wood. He's got a voice like the Wolfman. (not the monster but the old radio DJ)

Brit's idea was to get me drunk, as it doesn't happen too easily.
This just ended up in her getting wasted. Pretty funny to watch. She did sell a lot of CD's that night, but she also kept offering her boobs as part of the sale.
She threw up 4 times that night and made me buy her a Big Mac.
Heading back we stopped off at the deli. This place made fantastic sandwiches. I got a roast beef.
Brittney bought 3 bags of chips.
She was tired the next day.

I must have been a little tipsy because I decided it was a good idea to film me sitting crouched over in only my underwear and complain about The Sassy B not buying a sandwich while she ate her chips.
This video will not be shown. As it is not very appealing to the eye.

Our last full day was Saturday. It was St. Patrick's Day and we ignored it all.
We didn't sleep until 3:30 or 4am the night before. I feel we should have gone over to Manhattan and saw the parade and such but instead we stayed in and watch the St. Patty's Episode of 30 Rock.
We stayed in Brooklyn and went to Coney Island. I love seeing the ocean. all the rides were shut down for the season. It was pretty cool. But the best part was Totonno's My new favourite pizza place. I want to go back, right meow.
Totonno's!



I don't know who left this on the side of the road but it's pretty sad looking.


We played in the Red Hook district called Bait & Tackle. An Irish owner who plays down St. Patty's day, in that he doesn't do anything for it. It was a really great spot. The people tipped well, had some great beer. It was the one show where we actually made good money.


We went to Sunny's a few blocks away. This place we were told has a bluegrass jam every saturday. And in the back there were 20 musicians with guitars banjos, even a guy with a harp and a 70 year old lady with a dulcimer. we joined in for a few Brit sang Bobby MacGee. It was a great night. Crazy to see a place like that in Brooklyn.


And that was it. we made our way back home. I drove the whole way because Sassy B said she doesn't like to speed and 110 is fast enough for her. I am on the other side of the fence. so 130-140 was what we did.
We stopped back at that bar in Pennsylvania, New something or other, and it was like heaven for Brit aka Sassy B. Smoking in the bar, $1.75 pints and Nascar!
Ya she's a fan of Nascar.
She starte chattin' with the locals about this and that and what drivers she doesn't like.
She mentioned that she doesn't like Bush.
One moustached wonder says "I ain't no fagot, I like Pussy!"
A few were missing teeth and one fellow's name was Jim Bob.
Like I said Sassy B was in Heaven.

And that was that.

Now for bi'ness.

I've started using Bandcamp. I like it.
It's cheaper for you and has the ability to make more money for me.
Plus has all my concerts listed.
I may focus on this site, rather than all the other things I'm apart of.
Myspace, reverb Nation, CBC Radio 3, Jango...
It's a lot of updating.
I'm giving away my song #22 for free and the whole album download is only $8.00 rather than $9.99 on iTunes.
So head there if you haven't got #22!
I also explain a little bit about all the songs on the album.

Upcoming Shows:

Mar 23, 2012   Groovy Tuesday's   Barrie, ONMar 24, 2012   Griffon Gastropub  Bracebridge, ONApr 01, 2012   CJ's Cafe          Bronte, ONApr 07, 2012   Local Gastropub    Barrie,ONApr 26, 2012   Freakin' Frog      Las Vegas, NVMay 04, 2012   The Brownstone     Orillia, ONMay 11, 2012   Michael & Marion's Barrie, ONMay 12, 2012   Michael & Marion's Barrie, ONMay 25, 2012   The Local          Barrie, ONJun 14, 2012   Cafe Concerto      Vienna, AUJun 16, 2012   One Eyed Jack      Florence, ITJun 22, 2012   Clubhouse          Florence, IT

-Neil
www.eyesiwide.ca











Friday, March 2, 2012

Money. Why don't I have more of it? Oh, right. I'm a musician.

Let's start off with a quote.
"wish house arest thow bro ratyssssss"


This was a comment left on a Facebook event page for one of my shows. 
I have no clue at what it could mean. 
I really would like to hear this kid speak the sentence out loud to see what it is he's trying to communicate with the world.
Wut is teechers be learnin kidsssss toda? 


Moving on. 


Money. 
It's hard to get and very hard to keep. 
It's funny how being in the music business costs so much and it's so very hard to make good money doing it.  
I've always read articles about touring when I come across them and a majority of them state that the goal of your tour is to break even. Sounds reasonable. Touring is expensive. Gas, food, places to sleep. It gets pretty expensive especially when your high paying days are thursday through Saturday. The rest you kind of hope for the best. 
So my goal has been break even. Something I have not been able to do.... until last month!
Yup, I actually made money on a tour. I didn't realize it until the last 3 days. I kept track of money coming in and out and it seems you can make some cash on the road. 
It just took almost 3 years.
It's not a lot I could easily make more at my part job. But that's not the point. 
It's awesome to realize that I can make a sustainable living playing original music around the country.
Playing shows is one way to make it. I've recently received a cheque from Google for the ads placed on my blog, website (www.eyeswide.ca) and youtube videos. Just from people clicking on the ads. 
(Hint if you are on any independent musician or artist's website and they have an ad on it, click it. It helps them out)
Here you can Date Asian girls just from watching my Video for #22!




Sadly I have made more money from Google Ads than I have with my download sales through iTunes, Amazon, and other such sites.
And The mighty SOCAN another source of revenue. From people playing your songs, the shows you play with a cover charge of more than $6 and radio airplay gets transferred into funds for my bank account.  I've only received 1 small cheque from them but every little bit helps. 
But alas, there seems to be some kind of Music Ying and Yang God keeping track of my funds. 
I've been making a little bit more with music, getting paid a little more for gigs, the ads, merch sales. but it all goes back into the music.
I just bought a loop pedal. I haven't had much time to play with it yet but eventually...
It cost $300 
I recorded a song "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" recording it at a very low cost spent $150 then getting the licence to sell it online $60. Uploading the cost $20-30. 
I've gotten a lots of compliments on the song, but only a hand full of downloads and only receiving .60 cent for each. I haven't even paid off the uploading cost yet. maybe next Christmas it will blow up!
My guitar case finally gave in from the wear and tear and a new one will cost $80-90


I'm heading into the studio next week to record a song called Brick. the cost is $50 an hour.  I'm guessing I'll be there anywhere from 3-6 hours.


Sometimes you get the tales of woe not getting paid from the venue or just being taken by a scam.
I think I've been lucky and have only had 2 such happenings. One in my own city of Barrie, where the manager would not pay what he said he was going to so after paying the other acts and the sound man. I walked out with nothing. Needless to say I don't frequent the place anymore. 


The other one happened 2 years this summer. I signed up to play a festival at Downsview Park outside of Toronto called The Imagine Fest. They didn't have a set line up Chubby Checker and a few others were the only acts locked in and I was told that Sheryl Crow and Tool were being optioned for headliners. They asked the artists to do the near impossible task of selling VIP tickets before the line ups had been made. for $120 
I did sell 5. 
I gave my money to the promoter Kris Christie. (Yup, dropping his name) and a month later the fest was cancelled.
I had the people who I sold tickets to asking for the money back and I had assurances from Christie that I would get refunded for the tickets sold so I just paid everyone back myself. But I never got reimbursed. emails went back and forth for the better part of a year Christie saying you'll have the money by Tuesday, by next week, the week after. and then he stopped responding. and he wouldn't return my phone calls. a year later I  emailed his partner but they had parted ways. 
So $600 was gone. I've had other bands message me and ask did you get money back on your ticket sales? 
I thought about small claims court but all the time trying to find him, serve papers go to court multiple times is it worth all the time? I figured no. I would just write about him in my blog. So there you go Kris Christie, Toronto music promoter who ripped me off in my first year of being  musician.


This appears to be one of those informative blogs lacking in humour. 






How about this lets talk about my tour.
While on tour I stayed in a Victorian house in Woodstock, NB
the man who owned it was an 80 year old OCD professor of French literature. 
He gave me one of his old man sweaters.



He asked me one evening to watch a nature show with him on PBS. "They have really good nature shows."
Sure why not. 
we sit down in the haunted library.
Really, it could have been haunted. 
he had books from the 1790's on that shelf. I really wanted to look at them but I was afraid the pages would turn to dust.


Anyway, we sat down and the show was about the history of tupperware. Not a nature show. The only interesting thing I got from it was that the creator of tupperware had lots of ideas that didn't really work out like the knife-comb and the fish powered boat. 
I couldn't stand to watch it all so I went off to bed to read. Oddly enough I was reading about the history of the Dinning room. Another thing that one wouldn't find incredibly interesting.


Driving through New Brunswick I passed a city sign that read "Bedford: A traditional Stopping place." 
Wow, I thought, that's pretty bland. That slogan would actually fit the city I passed an hour back. 
It was called Blandford.
The things I think about while alone in the car with my Merch girl.



She enjoys getting out and seeing the country.




She gets some lovin' from time to time.


I got to work on my gay demographic this tour I stayed in Moncton and crashed with a great guy (Steve!) who tried to get me a gig last minute. It didn't work out but he invited his friends and neighbours over for a house concert. turns out I was the only straight dude in the place. We did a great sing along to Adele's Rolling in the Deep.
Steve took me to the best Breakfast buffet I've ever had. I had 2 Eggs Benedict and multiple piles of bacon.


On the way back in Toronto I played at The Old Nick. When  walked in I thought, 
"Hey there's a lot of ladies with short hair in here." 
About a half an hour later "Oooooh. I'm playing in, what their website termed as, a gay friendly bar"
And the guys who ran last years Toronto's Gay Pride Music Fest didn't think I'd be a good fit to play at the festival. 


Edmundston has the worst city sign it's a dude dressed in an outfit that looks like it's from the early 1900's and he's holding the least impressive bouquet of flowers I've ever seen. great job Edmundston. I sadly did not get a picture. so this section is pretty usuless. I apologize for wasting your seconds.


And here's another one  I wrote "ride the wave" in my notes. I have no idea what it means. But at the time I thought it was all I needed to remind myself of the awesome tale that it was to represent. Make up your own story for that. 
(feel free to let me know what you come up with)


This house was not built for Neil Crowes. Edmundston, NB




I bought these at a gas station in Quebec. stopped at another gas station 10 minutes down the road bought a second bag.

And this man slept in a McDonald's while his wife did the crossword.

I like the view on the road.






Coming back from the tour I jumped right back into substitute teaching and I ended up teaching the 12 year old version of Napoleon Dynamite. 
Curly fro and all even that long breathy sigh.
I tell the class to take out the text books.
Napoleon doesn't.
"Napolean (obviously his name is not Napoleon but I chose not to use his real name) take out your math text."
"I don't have one."
The kid who sits next to him says "Ya he does it's in his desk"
"Is it in your desk?" I ask.
"No."
The girl behind him says "yes it is I can see it."
"Is there a math text in your desk?" I ask again.
"No."
I grabb the desk lift it on an angle and look inside. "what's that then?" pointing at his math text.
"Hhhhhhhhhhhh (long breathy Napoleon sigh) I just really don't want to do this right now."
I almost laughed in his face.
Later on we went to go read with the kindergaten class. He left his 5 year old partner to go play with a Mr. Potato Head.


I can't say it was a constructive use of class time but a student did draw me this week.


I've got some more teacher stuff but I think I'll save them for an all teacher tale blog. 


What's coming up now is that I've got a tour in New York from the 12-17 I'll be in Rochester, Brooklyn, New Jersey and Manhattan with Brittney Fulton check her out here and Kelsey Warren who I've toured with will join us for a show in Jersey City at The Lucky 7 Tavern. 
And next month I fly to Las Vegas for the first time ever and play a show at The Freakin' Frog! I'm also there for a wedding that might be fun too.
I'm booking a long tour starting from June through September. It's a slow process. but I'll be in Europe in June so far in Italy and Austria. If there are any Europeans reading this feel free to suggest or help out with venues. 
then July and August I'll be in the Western half of Canada and finally August and September back in the Eastern half. 

Mar 03, 2012   The Stinking Rose  Campbellford, ON
Mar 12, 2012   Boulder Coffe Co.  Rochester, NY
Mar 13, 2012   Lucky 7            Jersey City, NJ
Mar 14, 2012   Delancey           New York, NY
Mar 16, 2012   Hank's Saloon      Brooklyn, NY
Mar 17, 2012   Bait & Tackle      Brooklyn, NY
Mar 23, 2012   Groovy Tuesday's   Barrie, ON
Mar 24, 2012   Griffon Gastropub  Bracebridge, ON
Apr 26, 2012   Freakin' Frog      Las Vegas, NV
May 11, 2012   Michael & Marion's Barrie, ON
May 12, 2012   Michael & Marion's Barrie, ON
May 25, 2012   The Local          Barrie, ON




Also I've got to record a new album by the end of May.
I should get on that.


Alright I've got to leave the bed and do something that allows my body to move.
until next time...


-Neil
www.eyeswide.ca